Everything I know about security I learned in kindergarten and I've been updating ever since

I know many of you remember that in kindergarten we learned to play fair, share tools, put things back in “the cubbie” where they came from, put your name on your stuff, be quiet during nap time and in general to be good neighbors.  Well, I learned something else, too.  LESSON LEARNED: HE WHO HAS THE TOYS GETS TO CONTROL THE GAME AND IS THE BOSS OF THE OTHER KIDS.

Fast forward to the third grade, I learned that if someone was bullying me,  I had to fight them to get them to stop or get someone else who would do that for me.  I know, can you believe that this beautiful face was getting bullied in the third grade.  Well, it’s true and all because I kissed a girl who was a fifth grader.  So I did what every skinny, respectable guy would do – I got her to beat him up. LESSON LEARNED: GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO YOUR DIRTY WORK!

When I was in the fifth or sixth grade, my criminal career started and ended in a span of a few minutes.  You see, there was a pack of rubber bands on the shelf at the Ben Franklin store and I really wanted them but I didn’t have the money.  I put some in my jacket pocket and left the store.  As soon, as I was walking out a county sheriff car pulled into the parking spot directly in from of the store.  The store had a revolving door, which allowed me to reenter the store without ever really exiting.  I put the rubber bands back on the shelf and waited for the sheriff to leave the store before I went home, scared to death.  I have to admit, every time I’d see a police car while growing up I always wondered if “they knew about that” incident. LESSON LEARNED: ONCE YOU’VE DONE IT YOU’VE DONE IT FOR LIFE.

And then upon entering the military, I became an Air Policeman.  God works in crazy ways.  Since I was mostly stationed in Europe from the time I was twenty until I retired in 1993, my biggest security lesson was tracking terrorist activities and fighting the “the Communist, the bastards”.  LESSON LEARNED: THERE ARE BAD PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WISH ME (US) HARM.

Later in my career, I thought and was taught to think this way, that all you had to do was put a camera on it to watch or post a guard and crime would stop.  Your stuff would be protected. Neither a camera or a guard will prevent, they may deter, and unless the response force is within a reasonable distance to respond they probably won’t deter either.  I’ve always wondered why organizations spend thousands and still get “ripped off”.  Upon analysis it usually comes down to them using the wrong mitigation strategy for the wrong threat or the security is “so tight”  it becomes a burden or tax and people don’t want to pay the tax, even those who are authorized to do so.  They’ll find a way around it so that life is convenient. So, unless your security system is specifically designed to deter and prevent unwanted behaviors, it won’t do that. Sure there is always some deterrence but a dedicated aggressor will not be detoured.  They will bring the tools they need.  Also, if there isn’t a dedicated response force, all you’ll be doing with your fancy system is taking pictures of what happened. LESSON LEARNED: SECURITY IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT DETERRENCE/PREVENTION AND INSTEAD IT’S ABOUT CONVENIENCE.

Well, after my heart attack a couple years ago, my cardiologist said I’d probably live another 30 years.  I’ve used three so far, so who knows what I’ll learn in the next 27?